Pat and Cindy
“I am deeply indebted to Pat and Cindy for the impact they have had on my marriage.”
We started this relationship journey as high school sweethearts.
Pat: 17, young, selfish, and lazy.
Cindy: 16, young, kind and sort of stupid for taking an interest in Pat.
We dated for 4 1/2 years and eventually we were going to get married.
Cindy responded with excitement and enthusiasm. Pat mostly yawned.
When we drove home from college to let our parents know we were going to get married, we were greeted with the news that my parents were ending their 34 year marriage. In my mind and heart, a vow began to form: “I will not settle for a life that ends with throwing up my hands and declaring my marriage invalid.” Perhaps it was some deep rooted fear, or maybe just a sense of the apparent silliness of investing so much time in a relationship that ends badly.
Regardless of the source, I was determined that we would only be married once, and we would be married for a lifetime. Not simply because we were stubborn or exceptionally disciplined or intelligent, but we were determined to stay in love and make sure nothing came between our friendship and enjoyment of each other.
There have been plenty of fights along the way. Fights with each other for sure. But also pivotal fights against our own fears and hurtful behavior, even our fair share of fights against boredom and taking each other for granted. This is not a journey for the faint hearted.
So here we are – 33 years, 5 grown kids and 7 grandkids, still crazy in love. Lucky? Did the planets just align for us? A couple more details that may demonstrate how little evidence existed that we would make it 5 years, let alone 50.
Anecdote 1: The first time my dad met Cindy he demonstrated his deep wisdom and understanding of me as a person. He told this sweet little girl, “Don’t date my son, he will just use you”. Sadly accurate.
Anecdote 2: It is a matter of public record that our classmates in high school voted us “least likely to stay together”. You can look it up. It’s in our yearbook.
If the planets had indeed aligned, the message was extremely well hidden
There have been so many opportunities along the way to grow biter, or tired of each other. “Normal”, for marriage seems to be to settle into a routine of neglect or boredom or contempt. We are so thankful for the many mentors and helpers along the way. So many good books, resources, encouragement, retreats. Each of these opportunities have helped us to refocus and recommit to being good at “us”.
In our mind, “staying together” is a noble but completely unsatisfactory goal in light of what is possible. To walk together on a life long journey of ever increasing affection, respect and confidence in the love and care of another human being. To grow old and silly together. As the hair grays, (or falls out) and the body parts sag, we are determined to do it all together. Twenty-five years ago I wrote my bride a love note, committing myself to that goal and to the journey. We often smile as some of the things that were so funny and seemed so distant, have now become a reality. She still makes my heart beat fast.
Over the last 10 years, we have spent countless hours synthesizing all the myriad of data points of romantic and marital relationships and the various tools we have been exposed to. Some resources have become central to our relationship focus because of the universal benefits they produce. That is the core of Glu.
Our hope with Glu is to pass on those basic skills that have been helpful for us and to help put couples on a path that will give them the opportunity to allow them to experience a satisfying life together, to have a positive present and a hope filled future.
As the people at “Prepare-Enrich” promote with their material. “Life is a journey, and it helps to have a guide”. It has certainly been true for us and we hope to be a helpful guide to those couples we have the privilege of coaching.